(Thanks for the email, Tesa!)

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If your hair has a greenish tint and looks like straw, you might be a swimmer.

If somewhere on your body there is a small tattoo of a fish or a grouping of rings, you might be a swimmer.

If whenever you hear an electronic beep, you get the urge to leap out and up, you might be a swimmer.

If you have rings around your eyes even though you are averaging 8 hours of sleep a night, you might be a swimmer.

If you have been wearing the same pair of nylon or Lycra-like underwear for the past two weeks, you might be a swimmer.

If spaghetti and meatballs for lunch makes you groan and think of how horrible this will taste when it revisits your mouth later in the day, you might be a swimmer.

If waking up at 5 a.m. to exercise seems the natural thing to do, you might be a swimmer, or you might be 75 years old.

If jamming a piece of styrofoam between your legs after tying your feet together with a rubber object is not a kinky sexual activity, you might be a swimmer.

If your skin is flaky and reeks of chlorine (even when you haven't swum in days), you might be a swimmer.

If you sport long, curling hair on your legs and don't remember how to shave your legs, you might be a female swimmer.

If the phrase "This set with fins" is better than hearing "You just won $1000," you might be a swimmer.

Since you swim everyday, if when people ask you when is the last time you took a shower, you say, " I swim, I don't need too." You might be swimmer.

When you learn how to squirt water between your teeth 15 different ways, you might be a swimmer.

When you wake up for early morning practice just to get the donuts, you might be a swimmer.

When you go through so many caps in one season you could wall-paper your room, you might be a swimmer.

Since they give out trophies for ever little thing you do, your main thing to do on the weekend is to rearrange them from tallest to shortest, you might be a swimmer.